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Sin Ojos y Solo

Rules are like the virginties of young girls; they're made to be taken lightly.

Name:
Sheldon Jeffrey Sands
Birthdate:
18 January
Website:

Can you dig it?


This character journal is co-owned by puremalevolence It was her idea! Blame it on her!

Yeah, I have one of these fuckers, too...

Related character journals:
The sister - katesands
Her boyfriend - j_sorenson

Now, I really think this goes without saying, but this journal rated R for strong sexual content, profuse language, violence, and just plain Sheldony goodness.




Love's My Beat.







*BLOWJOBS* TOTAL!
give cia_agentsands more *BLOWJOBS*

Get blowjobs of your own


"Author's" note:

Just to clear things up, (because Sheldon -always- makes things messy) this is not strictly the journal of Agent Sands, Johnny Depp's character in Once Upone a Time in Mexico. It's more of a place for me to dump my own Sands fic/art, and for my Sands muse to vent when there is no other way. (No, I don't let him kill people.) So, most entries will be made by me (i.e. Sheldon does not post stories about himself. He's arrogant, okay, but...that's just ridiculous XP) with an occassional word or fifty from everyone's favourite sociopath. Oh yeah, and his entries all take place prior to the little incident in Mexico *edit* except for those made after Nov. 2, 2004. You know...artistic liscence and all that XD.

...

"Little incident?" No, no. When you have a one night stand with your boss and your husband finds out -that- is, henceforth, refered to as an "incident." What happened in Mexico is something completely different. They gouged my fucking eyes out of my goddamn head while I was nearly entirely concious. You do...see...the difference, don't you?


Anyway...

These are a few of my favorite things...

Favourite movie: Christmas Evil (the best bad movie you'll ever see!) American Psycho, The Addams Family (and It's a Wonderful Life...but don't tell anyone about that one, k?). Also enjoys stereotypical spy/cop flicks like 007, Shaft, and Mission:Impossible, though he thinks Cruise is overrated and a bit of a pussy.

Favourite book: (-not- Penthouse...) it's a tie between A Clockwork Orange and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Favourite cartoons/comics: Inspector Gadget (go go Gadget ass-grabber!) The Simpsons, Southpark, JTHM (let it never be said that Jhonen did not give this guy a few really good ideas...)

Favourite song(s): Smack My Bitch Up, Secret Agent Sands Man, also enjoys showtunes, good ol' rock an' roll, golden oldies (the really old stuff from the Sinatra days, as well as the stuff from the sixties and seventies) and occassionally the darker side of Mozart( for brooding/relaxation purposes. has thought of doing very bad things under the influence of Dies Irae. come on, so have you).

Favourite food: pork, any way he can get it, but slow-roasted is best. Pfft, chicken just wishes it tasted so good.

Speaking of pork, when are you going to cook me my pibil?

Will you shut up about that? I'm really busy lately...

Look, I need to eat and I'm sick of this shit you keep feeding me. Oh, and as a side note, there's too much blood in my alcohol level...

Bitch bitch bitch, Jesus.

Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...

Hey, fuck you.

Any time, sweetheart...

Favourite drink: orange juice. Oh, you mean alcoholic? Tequila with lime. Or maybe a beer. Hell, what the fuck does it matter as long as it does the job? Coffee is good, too (which brings us to our next category...)

Addictions: caffiene, cigarettes, killing people, fucking, (both mentally and otherwise. We won't get into this, as the area can be rather broad at times, depending on just how adventurous he's feeling) making people shit themselves, annoying the hell out of his superiors (who, if they know what's good for them and their cause, can't afford to fire him).

Hobbies: doing things to purposely piss people off just so they'll give him an excuse to..."balance them out." Avid porn voyeur EDIT listener. Has a soft-spot for any sort of theatrics (i.e. musicals and the occassional farce, just as long as it's not that interpretive dance crap. Or mimes *shudder*). Actually, Sheldon doesn't really do much of anything, anymore, except masturbate, try to get into his sister's pants, succeed at getting into his sister's pants, and masturbate some more. Having no eyes really isn't all that fun.

Other:

Hopes and dreams-- He's just waiting for the day that Britney Spears becomes a threat to the government so that the CIA will give him permission to hunt her down, after which he will fuck her and kill her...and not necessarily in that order, savvy?

Personality disorders-- (too many to really count, but we can try...) compulsive liar, psychotic, (supposedly the doctors say it was only borderline but it's been about a decade since his last psych eval...) obsessive compulsive, sociopath, sadist... in short: not well...but good at what he does, so that's got to count for something. And damn sexy, not that that's really classified as a mental disorder...it can do crazy things to other people's brains, and I speak from experience.

More info on Sands can be found here. Information on the CIA can be found here.

...it probably isn't a good idea for me to post a link to such a reliable source of info, because now if I make a mistake it'll be obvious. Eh, oh well. Knowledge is power, right?

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